AN UNFAITHFUL boyfriend cheating on her with a thinner woman sparked an eating disorder she has battled all her adult life.
Alice Park weighs just over 5st. Her teaching career is in tatters, she survives on benefits and she lives with the threat of being sectioned under the Mental Health Act and placed in hospital.
She has just celebrated her 40th birthday.
Alice said: "People think just because you're an adult, you should know better and just expect you to snap out of it.
"But I have been battling eating disorders for 20 years, I've gone from a £40,000 salary to living on benefits and I'm still fighting it every day."
At university, Alice discovered her boyfriend had been unfaithful. She stayed with him and, at 10st 4lb and despite being just a few pounds over a healthy weight for her 5ft 3in frame, she went on a diet.
She lost weight quickly and the compliments flowed.
She said: "People were saying I looked really good and my boyfriend became more attentive, starting to get a bit jealous when I was going out.
"It made me feel like the balance had shifted a little bit."
But she did not stop. Instead, three months later, she weighed just 6st, way below a healthy weight for her height.
And so it began – an endless cycle of surviving on very few calories and working out in the gym.
At her lowest point, she developed bulimia, bingeing on food before purging her body by vomiting and using laxatives.
Alice said: "It is a horrible cycle and it's incredibly difficult to break. The more you binge, the more you restrict your diet."
There have been times of stability during the 20 years.
But, time and time again, her eating disorders have controlled her life, often after a relationship breakdown or problems at work.
She sought medical help in the beginning and was sent to a specialist eating disorder clinic, catching several buses from her student accommodation at university before arriving, exhausted and fearful about what lay ahead.
Alice said: "I sat in this God-awful room before this woman came out and asked if she could help me. I told her I'd been referred by my GP. She took one look at me and said 'I can see straight away you're not anorexic. People who come in here with anorexia are much thinner than you'."
Alice was diagnosed with coeliac disease and tried to get on with her life.
She found a new partner and, for a while, her weight stabilised, hovering around 7st.
But the relationship broke down and, coupled with pressures in her new job as a head of department at a school, her weight plummeted once more.
"There were changes in the senior management and it caused stress, anxiety and bitchiness among staff," Alice said.
"It was a very competitive atmosphere.
"I felt inadequate and the only thing I could control was my weight. I liked my classes and I still enjoyed teaching.
"I had a wonderful form group I missed dreadfully when they left.
"I didn't realise how depressed I was becoming."
Her condition took a toll on her health and, as her time off work mounted up, so did the resentment among her workmates.
Her weight dropped to just 5st 10lb.
A particularly bad bulimic attack saw her rushed to A&E and she was kept in for a week on a potassium drip.
After being struck down by a virus after her release from hospital, her GP referred her back to an eating disorders consultant and she was told she would have to be admitted.
But there were no beds for her and she was told to wait three weeks.
In those three weeks, she managed to put on 4lb, so she was referred to counselling instead.
The pattern has continued, sporadic periods of stability followed by short phases of bulimia and prolonged episodes of anorexia.
She has had to give up her job and has been in and out of counselling, often leaving after conflicts with therapists.
Even size zero clothes are too big for her and she has to have them taken in.
But she knows she doesn't see the reality in the mirror.
Alice said: "I had a long chat with someone the other day and she said my body dysmorphia was terrible.
"People have told me their BMI and it's way higher than mine.
"I can't understand that, as I think they look thinner than me.
"I don't think I can see what other people see."
Alice is critical of mental health services available to people with eating disorders.
With nowhere else to turn around her home in Lancashire, she sought the help of Hull- based Seed, an organisation specialising in eating disorders for people from Hull and the East Riding.
More often these days, people from all over the country are turning to Seed for help because of the dire shortage of services in their area.
Alice said: "There's a long waiting list for therapy in my area.
"I know people who have gone into hospital and they are not better – they've been traumatised by the experience."
Alice gets by on the support of her mum, her partner of eight years and her writing.
On the recommendation of one therapist, she has given the " voices" names – "Ana" for anorexia and "Mia" for bulimia – and writing provides emotional catharsis.
She dreams of being well enough one day to open a centre like the one run by Seed in Hull.
"When I look at the services they offer, it is just so much more supportive than anything I've ever had," she said.
"I don't blame people for thinking this just happens to teenagers because so did I until I went to a group and saw the age range. There were women there 57 and 60.
"This really isn't that rare in people my age.
"That was the main reason I never went to group, because I thought they'd all be teenagers and I was terrified they'd all be thinner than me."
Where to go to get helpFor information on the mental health services that can help with eating disorders, visit humber.nhs.uk/services/Eastridingmentalhealthservices.htm or call 01482 617560.
If you need any support or care for someone with an eating disorder, visit Facebook and Twitter
• Health news for Hull and East Yorkshire
