HERE'S a real life story for you. My father was found hanged almost ten years ago to the day.
He'd suffered a complete mental breakdown two years previously. He became catatonic. He occasionally reverted to a child-like state.
He spoke like a person who had lost his marbles, yet he still had the presence of mind to hide this side of his altered personality on the many occasions we did manage to prise him to the doctors. Therefore, he was able remain at home, untreated, able to turn his loved ones into shells of their former selves.
Yes, he made it into a local sanctuary for token gestures of treatment and rehabilitation, but he was able to convince staff that he had turned a corner and was allowed home.
Pretty selfish of him, wasn't it?
Happy to watch his family crumble around him, so long as he wasn't labelled "crazy" or a "lunatic".
It was also a very selfish of him to take the decision to leave his wife and son. After all, we were already broken after two years of watching a loving, funny, idiosyncratic father and husband turn into someone we'd never met before.
Now, we had to put up with breaking the news to family, funeral arrangements, banks, and all those vultures who make it so hard for relatives to claim what is lawfully theirs.
Of course, it could have been that he'd watched from a distance as he tore his family apart. Something inside of him knew what the person he'd become was doing.
In his confused state, (deemed acceptable by the professionals who were there to protect him), he believed the best thing for his family was for him to be no longer part of it.
He believed this so strongly, he was able to muster the strength to torture himself, alone, with none of his family around him.
Selfish? Or so completely selfless that he made the ultimate sacrifice?
Ten years on, the question I constantly ask myself, day after day, is not "how could he be so selfish?".
It's "why wouldn't he let himself be treated?"
In 2004, it was nigh on impossible to find someone qualified to diagnose and treat his symptoms, so why the hell didn't he grasp that help when he had the chance? My mother and I, together with his brothers, work colleagues, our close family, all tried in vain to help him, to encourage him to respond to treatment, all the time battling to find someone, anyone, qualified enough to help.
Because so many suffer in silence, authorities do not recognise just how widespread chronic depression is.
It therefore doesn't have even half of the resources needed to support those who need it. But that is another story.
The reason he took his life? As I've already alluded to, it was because he didn't want to be labelled.
He didn't want to live with the stigma of being in a "funny farm", or being "mental". In short, the lack of understanding/sheer ignorance of people and a society in which we laugh, sneer or scoff at those with mental health problems.
All of those with this ill-informed opinion are the reason millions continue to suffer in silence.
After ten years, and with the support of my mum, my wife and my kids, I am now at peace with my dad's passing.
However, whenever I hear ignorant outbursts such as yours, I'm reminded of the reason my father did not allow himself to be helped, and to a degree, the reason there isn't enough help out there.
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