Hull Daily Mail columnist Ian Midgley says, like it or not, in the age of the internet, sexting and Miley Cyrus, kids are becoming more wordly wise earlier than ever before.
As Salt N Pepa once sang: Let's talk about sex. No, this isn't one of those columns that starts by shouting SEX! in a feeble, gaudy bid to grab your attention before proceeding to bore your pants off by talking about Serbian poetry or fresh techniques for grouting.
This column (ooh er, matron) really is about sex.
Maybe younger readers should avert their eyes now – or at least get ready to explain some of the more unusual terms you find below to your parents.
This week, the Coalition Government dropped plans by its predecessor to introduce compulsory personal, social, health and economic education lessons in the national curriculum.
These would have seen children as young as five given lessons in relationships and sex – albeit with content tailored to what is appropriate for each age group.
A "this is Mummy Bear and this is Daddy Bear" sort of thing, I presume.
"Daddy Bear used to have money and be happy before Mummy Bear moved in. Mummy Bear drinks too much and stares out of the window a lot."
A revived curriculum suggesting how teachers should deal with the delicate subject of S. E. X. (why do I feel like Les Dawson mouthing the letters over a garden fence when I do that?) was published last week.
It was instantly jumped on by various pressure group who damned the guidance as "13 years old and not fit for purpose".
To be fair, in this era of internet porn, social media sexting and Miley Cyrus, they're probably right.
Like it or not, kids are becoming more worldly wise earlier than ever before.
Any sex education advice not written about ten minutes ago is probably already out of date.
The worst thing is, us parents don't even know it.
In an awkward tribute to Donald Rumsfeld's incomprehensible "we have known unknowns speech", I'd humbly suggest that most of us over the age of 35 don't have a clue about the extent and breadth of sexual content and knowledge that today's kids have access to.
We don't even know that we don't know these things exist and should be worried. If that makes sense.
To be fair though, I don't think it's ever been any different.
As someone who attended an all-boys' school, my only knowledge of the opposite sex came from the stash of soggy magazines Fat Roger found dumped in the disused reservoir up by the bike track.They may not have had all the interactive point and click fascination of the internet, but they gave you a pretty good idea.
Our sex education lessons at school were delivered by an embarrassed, geeky-looking chemistry teacher with half-mast trousers and brown elbow patches.
I forget his name, but we called him Wiggy due to his massive, unsightly pudding basin haircut.
In between the sniggering and lewd barracking, I felt a bit sorry for him.
I'd even be prepared to wager a tenner that most of us in the class lost our virginities before he did.
Apart from Fat Roger, obviously. He's probably on a register somewhere.
At home, things were no better.
I was never taken aside to have the birds and bees explained to me. I don't know anybody who did.
It was all just assumed that you learnt about these things through a magic process of osmosis – by talking to your mates or by reading rude messages scrawled above public urinals. And we all turned out OK. Mostly.
Yes, those were probably more innocent days when I grew up. At least on the surface.
But to suggest when you and I were in short trousers we were all out playing Swallows and Amazons and drinking lashings of ginger bear all day is nonsense.
As the father of two young girls, I obviously worry they're growing up in a world festooned with more dangers than I had to contend with.
They're constantly bombarded with information and Rihanna videos and don't yet have the maturity to make any sensible judgement calls on their value.
The internet, in particular, is a minefield of potential hazards for the young and naïve.
But let's not start hyperventilating with panic just yet. Most kids aren't daft. And whether the Governments wants to lecture them on sex or not, most of them will grow up into well-rounded and sensible adults in due time.
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