"MY BABY put it in the microwave" and "my dog ate it" – these are just some of the excuses given by TV licence dodgers in Hull and the East Riding.
The Post Office has revealed some of the most common reasons given by thousands of people for not paying their TV licence.
Excuses range from credit and debit cards being melted in the microwave, dogs eating the post and being barred from shops where you should pay for your licence.
More than 58,000 people across the north-east of England were caught watching TV without a valid TV licence last year.
One person told officers: "I live in a flat above a Post Office, so what's the point of me buying one when they have hundreds behind the counter?"
Another said: "My new dog has stashed all my mail or eaten it." And another culprit confessed: "I got caught shoplifting, so I'm barred from the shop that takes the PayPoint payments."
Lucy Baird, of TV Licensing, said: "Some of the excuses are simply hilarious, while others show a great deal of imagination and creativity, but being caught without a valid TV licence is a criminal offence and no laughing matter.
"Joking and wacky excuses apart, it is breaking the law to watch live television without a licence, so anybody doing this risks prosecution and a fine of up to £1,000."
In a first for TV Licensing, three "excuses" have been turned in to short animation films by the Bafta-winning animation partnership Will Anderson and Ainslie Henderson, of whiterobot.co.uk
Will, co-writer and director of the short films, said: "Our style of animation really lends itself to TV Licensing's excuses.
"Using bold, vibrant animation, we are able to develop the nature of the excuses, and abstract them with our sense of humour.
"The excuses were naturally funny, so it was all about how we could bring them to life. All of our work is particularly conversational, so it's a good match."
Other top excuses include people asking why they need a licence if they stole the TV in the first place, while another person claimed they had not been paid as they had just received a lethal injection.
One corgi owner even told officers that because his pet dog was related to the Queen's dog, he thought he didn't need to pay the licence.
Another person said, knowing their luck, they would be dead in six months and would not get their value for money.
A television viewer even blamed the Olympic Torch relay for it being too busy for them to get to the shops to pay it on time.
But perhaps the best excuse came from one person who said they would have to sell their hamster to pay for the licence, which they were not willing to do.
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